What have we learned this week? Well, the Russians are more corrupt than FIFA, politicians lie and Julian Assange isn’t accused of rape, he’s accused of instigating sex without a condom—which in the wacky world of the Scandinavian legal system constitutes a criminal offence—even though the accuser was quite happy to go along with it at the time.
In other news, shit stinks and the Pope goes in the woods.
In a legal first, an international red alert arrest warrant has been issued against someone accused without evidence of a crime which isn’t a crime. After he offered to be interviewed by the Swedish police, but was told he was free to leave the country, wikileaks founder Julian Assange has now been told he must give himself up… …or else!!
By the way, none of this has anything whatsoever to do with the fact that 24 hours after the Swedish police let him leave the country, wikileaks’ then revealed their next set of revelations would blow the lid off the biggest most corrupt bank in America, on a scale which Assange suggested would be “similar to Enron”. Honest, it doesn’t. It’s just a coincidence, we promise. Now shut up asking about it, OK? Here’s an hour long special following Susan Boyle’s rise to fame. Watch it, go to sleep and forget you ever heard of wiki-fucking-leaks, OK?
Yes folks, after revealing the sadistic and murderous actions of our brave underfunded cannon fodder in uniform, fighting “the war on terror” in just about every country the 9/11 hijackers weren’t from, and following the leaking of countless diplomatic cables which reveal the shocking fact that Silvio Berlusconi is a dirty bent Mafioso and Alexander Litvinenko’s murder was probably ordered by the man George Bush said was a stand up guy, because he wore a crucifix around his neck, Vladimir Putin, we now find that, wikileaks, the vile leftwing, liberal, socialist mouthpiece for soap-dodging, atheist, un-American peace-nicks plans on making the ludicrous accusation that, far from being happy places where magic fairy dust and moon beams make all our dreams come true, banks are actually places where dirty, rotten baby killers flagellate themselves with each other’s gold plated faeces.
Meanwhile, conservative party campaign manager Tom Flanagan of the University of Calgary, said Assange should be assassinated for “serving no purpose”—unlike, of course, the trillions we spend each year on feeding and educating the poor, when what we should be doing is arming Israel and electing multimillionaires whose background in the oil industry has no bearing whatsoever on their denial of climate change.
We are through the rabbit hole people! See you on the other side.
The complete wikileaks website in one BitTorrent file: