God’s plan: It all makes perfect sense

Adam – “OK, I’m confused. Walk me through this again.”

Yahweh – “OK, one last time. I’m going to create man and woman with original sin. Then I’m going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child, so that I can be born. Once alive, I will save humans from the sin I originally created them with by sacrificing myself into my own spirit by forsaking myself without knowing why.”

Adam – “That’s genius!”

Yahweh – “Thanks”

Adam – “Hold on though, how does Joseph Smith fit into this again?”

Yahweh – “Ah, well, he finds some gold plates only he can see with some mystery ancient text written on them no-one has heard of before or since.”

Adam – “Well how does he know what the text says?”

Yahweh – “He puts some stones into a hat and holds it over the plates so when he puts his face against the stones the plates become instantly translated into modern American English”

Adam – “Of course, how did I miss that?”

Yahweh – “You missed the memo on Mormons?”

Adam – “Clearly. So, it’s the ancient golden plates only Joseph Smith can see and translate that make it a sin to love someone so much you want to spend the rest of your life with them in an equal marriage? Am I getting it so far?”

Yahweh – “No, I’ve told Joseph not to mention anything about that equality stuff.”

Adam – “Why’s that?”

Yahweh – “Too confusing.”

6 comments on “God’s plan: It all makes perfect sense

  1. Check out http://atheist666.blogspot.com The Ten Commandments but not as you think you know them.
    The Ten Commandments, a set of general, Policies Rules, and Guidelines (PRGs) or a set of political diktats needed to keep together a bunch of refugee tribes escaping from Egyptian tyranny.
    Christians in particular claim these Ten Commandments like other parts of the Bible should be taken literally, so let’s take a look at them, not from some theological position or standpoint but from the point of view of the simple lay person who is asked to believe and follow these rules and live their lives governed by them.
    • You shall not boil a kid in its mother’s milk.
    You don’t have to be Gordon Ramsay to know this; it’s just ‘Fucking’ sick. And why would a god be bothered about recipes.
    Don’t argue with religious nuts just use satire, it works for me.

  2. We need people like LRH otherwise religions just might be believable.
    Joe Smith tops my list These guys were good right at the top, just try doing it yourself, at best white coats and a padded cell at worse 5 years for fraud. must be one hell of a trip making people think you are Gods right hand man.

  3. Hats off, and thumbs up!

    Yes satire is the best way to go here, or there, or anywhere. And yes, He does appreciate honest humor.

    Another good thing about having athesists stirring the pot is; you peple have a keen sense of pointing out the eyeful of splintters – Hey, what do you guys do with all that wood? Build hell fires?

    Not saying you’re wrong here, thanks for the chuckles!

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