As all atheists know, one of the more light hearted sides of being in the pay of Satan, are those wacky practical jokes of His—like the time he dressed up as a priest and tortured that nun to death because she wanted to leave the convent? I nearly choked on my hair sandwich when I first heard about that one.
But He does go too far sometimes. Especially when He just invites himself over unannounced and eats you out of house and home without so much as a “thanks for all the lambs blood”. So, here’s a quick list of things to keep in the larder for that all important face time with the Prince of darkness.
- Baby legs in brine
- Green Witches piss
- Findus crispy pancakes
- Dawkins brand embryos in jelly
- Bible pages (for spliffs)
- After dinner halapinos
- Dried hymen flakes
- Unbaptised foetus chips
- Falwell pubes in menstrual sauce
Wash it all down with a nice bottle of Sarah Palin’s bath water and a shot of Rupert Murdoch’s thick black semen and the evening should go nicely! That’s until it’s time for sex—but that’s another story altogether.