The atheist’s pantry

As all atheists know, one of the more light hearted sides of being in the pay of Satan, are those wacky practical jokes of His—like the time he dressed up as a priest and tortured that nun to death because she wanted to leave the convent? I nearly choked on my hair sandwich when I first heard about that one.

But He does go too far sometimes. Especially when He just invites himself over unannounced and eats you out of house and home without so much as a “thanks for all the lambs blood”. So, here’s a quick list of things to keep in the larder for that all important face time with the Prince of darkness.

  • Baby legs in brine
  • Green Witches piss
  • Findus crispy pancakes
  • Dawkins brand embryos in jelly
  • Bible pages (for spliffs)
  • After dinner halapinos
  • Mushrooms
  • Dried hymen flakes
  • Unbaptised foetus chips
  • Falwell pubes in menstrual sauce

Wash it all down with a nice bottle of Sarah Palin’s bath water and a shot of Rupert Murdoch’s thick black semen and the evening should go nicely! That’s until it’s time for sex—but that’s another story altogether.

10 comments on “The atheist’s pantry

  1. Maricica Irina Cornici – (the tortured nun) – did they torture her becuase she wanted to leave the covenent? or was it because they were ignorant of her schizophrenia? Because i couldnt find that on the BBC or CBS article? (maybe i did not read carefully)
    thanks

  2. Ammar: I think you’re probably right about her mental health issues being the cause. Either way, it’s a very sad story (just to be serious for a moment).

  3. yeah yeah absolutely its horrific. Heinously disgusting on how warped these minds are. But still it important to clarify as both reasons would always be shocking. But i think it is more sinister to kill someone on their desire to leave, part away from you. Than it is on the ignorance of mental health issues. I mean it sounds like i might be trying to put a defense on these types of religious actions, but i am just obsessive about the truth…in which religous people arent.

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