Fundamentalist Christians on Twitter worth a good laugh (at) Part 1

@Starchasr
Lying for Jesus comes so naturally to this bozo you almost feel like he might be just a genius of satire trolling for trolls. But Poe’s law aside, every now and then he pipes up with true classics.
For example: “Yes! Sorry what do they have to do with evolution?” in response to the question, “You ever heard of chemistry, biology, geology, genetics and palaeontology?”

@JuanitaBerguson
Filled to the brim with hatred for anyone who isn’t as brainwashed as she is, particularly if they’re any more intellectually curious than a liverwort. Also noted for her complete lack of honesty when asked direct questions and explosive righteous indigence when the same is done to her.
For example: “Sorry I don’t read atheist propaganda” when directed towards a wikipedia page explaining the Haldane and Oparin experiment.

@meganphelps
Everything that she stands for is repugnant and vile. But she is a Phelps after-all, so it’s par for the course. Loves her Granddaddy (and yes I do mean in the biblical sense) even though he’s a closeted, self-loathing puke who enjoys physically abusing his own children. She’s typically unaware of how hilarious her lack of honesty is.
For example: “@almightygod Since you’re obviously unmoved by truth or facts, I have a better question: why not stop looking for excuses & just obey?”

I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist

The “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist” meme is a very popular tract among people who don’t read books. Which makes the title of the book currently being promoted on crossway.org/blog/ at the very least an interesting experiment in confirmation bias.

I sent the below comment and as of 5 o’clock GMT it is still “awaiting moderation”.

Having faith in human beings, despite a wealth of evidence to suggest this trust is misplaced, is the ultimate act of faith. It is one which is performed by believers and non-believers every single day. We trust each-other despite our fears. Saying that it takes this same kind of rational, functioning faith to be confident of the fact that there is no evidence whatsoever of a supernatural aspect to reality—i.e., a non-physical realm beyond space-time where a creator judge might reside, fundamentally misrepresents the definition of the word faith and the definition of what it means to be a positive atheist, in the tradition of Bertrand Russell, Thomas Paine, Thomas Jefferson, Mark Twain, Voltaire and so on.

These kinds of books borrow the word faith on behalf of an emotional reaction to criticism and give it back as an insult to intellectual honesty. They appeal to the already convinced and seek solace in the rightful criticism of dishonest discourse from the same quarter.

There is nothing unreasonable about non-Yahweh worship to non-Christians, anymore than there is anything unreasonable about non-Sun-god worship to Evangelical protestants. What the religious community has to begin to demonstrate, if extremism of all kinds is to be truly stamped out, is that it recognises the mountain of evidence against its truth-claims, but continues to believe in belief regardless, because of an emotional commitment to cultural and ceremonial traditions. In so doing, then we might all begin to abandon, in the name of simply honesty, these particularly insidious brands of special pleading which insist the bible to be something it is trivial to prove for a fact it is not.

David loved Jonathan more than women. II Samuel 1:26

How typical of those liberal atheists to twist the message of the bible to mean whatever they want it to mean. It’s a disgrace and so on. Wait, wut? The signs are from a Christian group? Oh… ..well that’s OK then.

http://cbs11tv.com/local/pro.gay.billboards.2.1171468.html

God’s plan: It all makes perfect sense

Adam – “OK, I’m confused. Walk me through this again.”

Yahweh – “OK, one last time. I’m going to create man and woman with original sin. Then I’m going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child, so that I can be born. Once alive, I will save humans from the sin I originally created them with by sacrificing myself into my own spirit by forsaking myself without knowing why.”

Adam – “That’s genius!”

Yahweh – “Thanks”

Adam – “Hold on though, how does Joseph Smith fit into this again?”

Yahweh – “Ah, well, he finds some gold plates only he can see with some mystery ancient text written on them no-one has heard of before or since.”

Adam – “Well how does he know what the text says?”

Yahweh – “He puts some stones into a hat and holds it over the plates so when he puts his face against the stones the plates become instantly translated into modern American English”

Adam – “Of course, how did I miss that?”

Yahweh – “You missed the memo on Mormons?”

Adam – “Clearly. So, it’s the ancient golden plates only Joseph Smith can see and translate that make it a sin to love someone so much you want to spend the rest of your life with them in an equal marriage? Am I getting it so far?”

Yahweh – “No, I’ve told Joseph not to mention anything about that equality stuff.”

Adam – “Why’s that?”

Yahweh – “Too confusing.”

Are you a card carrying atheist?

@godlessgirl tweeted, “I want to be a card-carrying Atheist. Maybe I should make my own cards…” and I started to think about it. I came up with this…

I’ve often wondered what I would do if, by some unfortunate turn of events, I was no longer capable of expressing my wishes, perhaps following an accident or illness. What would I do if, one day, Father Friggety turned up at my bedside with his worry beads and started grovelling before his own externalised ego, begging to be forgiven on my behalf?

Hopefully, they’ll find a copy of this handy print-out-and-keep, “stick your religion up your arse” card in my things, before they start praying, and concentrate more of their efforts on doing something that’ll actually help me recover instead.

If you’d like a high resolution PDF version of these cards, to print out your own, here’s a link to MegaUpload…

EDIT@Azbats pointed out that MegaUpload’s banner ads are Not Safe For Work, so here’s a BitTorrent of the PDF files too, but PLEASE CONTINUE TO SEED THE DOWNLOAD ONCE YOURS IS COMPLETE SO THAT OTHERS CAN HAVE IT! Thanks.

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5078599

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=BWCEFLRP

To extract the files from the RAR archive you’ll need this for Mac…

http://unrarx.sourceforge.net/

…and this for Windows…

http://www.rarlab.com/

You know you’re a racist idiot when your own so called holy book says shit like this